I have a tale to tell…

sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well.

 

Lemme just say this quickly and we’ll move on just the same: I smell cat poop. I don’t see it anywhere, but I surely smell it. Allow me take this moment to remind myself how much I love cats…

 

No, this is not a cry for help. This is another bipolar awareness piece.

I had a psychology instructor in college say that people with bipolar disorder don’t attempt suicide when they’re in their deepest of lows. They don’t have the energy to methodically plan and carry out the ending of their own life. I’ve been there…low, very low and I can agree with Dr. S. It’s not when you’re down, but when you’re crashing down out of mania, an euphoric state to anticipating the emotional agony that is upon you that the ideas begin to swirl around in your head. I’ve never made an attempt, but I’m frightened and distraught that one will be somewhere in my future. Sure, I take my meds. They don’t always work. For whatever reason, they just stop doing their job. I keep my hubs updated as to what I’m feeling, we discuss and then I reach out to my psychiatrist who tweaks my meds and then I go back to feeling relatively normal for a bit. I’m not afraid to die; however,  I’m afraid of what happens to everyone else after I’m gone. It’s more important to me that I don’t hurt anyone more than my personal pain stopping. Plus, everyone needs me. I have to stick around.

 

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 1 in 5 bipolar patients will complete suicide. Some other eye opening facts about suicide (generalized):

 

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S.

Each year 42,773 Americans die by suicide

For every suicide, 25 will attempt

On average, there are 117 suicides a day

Firearms accounSometimes it gets so hard to hide it well.t for nearly 50% of all suicides

 

*with tears and shallow breaths, til tomorrow*

Statistics obtained from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention  https://afsp.org

1 Comment

  1. For my BPD it’s a part of my diagnosis to be suicidal or self harm. I love you and we need you!!

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